Noah, the movie

Okay, so I went to see the movie "Noah" yesterday and the answer to both "was it good?" And "should I see it?" Are the first half of the movies title. A big ol' N-O! Ah, no. Noooo. Noooo-ugh. No, uh...... And any combination there-of. I feel bad for going to see it despite all the people disliking it. I though, "how bad can they mess it up?" Well, let's just put it this way; it made my mom appreciate horror movies and me appreciate romance. Yeah, it was that bad. Seriously, If you are a Christian (or even if you aren't) it is nothing like the bible or anywhere near good! Lemme break it down for you:

The good: ................................................................................. It had Percy Jackson and Hermine Granger in it.

The bad: the whole film. They changed almost everything. Like, I know, in the bible it's a ten minute story. The movie is two hours. There's gonna be a bit of change and improvisation. But, it's like they kept the arc and said screw you to the rest of the bible story. Or read it when they were really drunk. Noah was basically as bad as the bad guy and a giant bag of doosh. In reality: he was the only holy man left and loved God, and was nice and, oh yeah, HOLY. In the movie: they wouldn't let anyone else near the arc, or on it. In the bible: he offered people a way to get on the arc. They all laughed at him. When the flood started, God sealed the doors and people couldn't come on, because they rejected going on earlier. In the movie: one of the sons was married and she was the only woman and she could not have kids so Noah thought that all humans must die and tried to kill his own grandchildren who were girls. In reality: dude, the bible says "Noah and his wife, and his three sons and their wives". Wives, not wife. As in, plural. Like, more than one, plural. And God told the people after the flood to repopulate and make plenty. And Noah was Holy, not crazy. He wouldn't kill his own grand kid. In the movie: the bad guy snuck onto the arc and almost killed Noah. I wish. In real life: HELLO! The arc was sealed! You can't just get on! And there's much, much more. I just can't think of it all off the top of my head. I just know, that if you want to go see the movie, no you don't.
Movie reviewer
Super-chu
DeWitt
Raven


INVERTED PYRAMID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!