Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction

Transformers 4: Age Of Extinction review... Coming up after the break! Actually since this is a blog and not a tv anything, imagine a commercial.

Plot: You might want to look on a different website (I'll post a link in a minute, after I pretend to know what I'm talking about). Umm.... There's a dude who played Balefire/Neil in Once Upon a Time. His best friend and business partner is Tuffnut from How To Train Your Dragon and his daughter is the average annoying slutty teenage girl who wants nothing more from life than to be hot and have an even hotter boyfriend and lay around on a beach making worse decisions than the average parolee (more on her later). Anyways, Balefire is a broke inventor and he buys a truck to fix up, and guess who that truck turns out to be? Lemme give you a hint; IT'S A LIVING TRUCK!!! Tuffnut is all like "Bro, there's a law that says we have to call the government, because THEY'RE DANGEROUS KILLING ALIEN ROBOTS!" (Not an actual line, but basically what he says, so.... yeah.) And he's like "But I mean, Me = Inventor. Transformer = Seriously great piece of technology. Me + Transformer = $" (Not an actual line, but hey, it's funner this way). He fixes Optimus Prime (the truck, for all -4 of you who didn't figure it out) and the governemt (As usual, governments evil) comes to his house. Balefire's daughters secret boyfriend then comes and saves them. *SPOIER ALERT I GUESS-ISH. I MEAN, LIKE THIS HAPPENS 'BOUT HALFWAY THROUGH THE MOVIE....? 1/3 WAY THROUGH?* Tuffnut dies, other autobots come and yeah. Stuff happens, explosions, death, super cool tech, sadly Balefire's daughter didn't die, Optimus prime beats the badguys...... Yeah

If you want a REAL description, here's IMDb's summaries and you can get to the synopsis at the bottom of the page.

My thoughts: I liked the movie, loved the autobots but there were only two characters I actually liked, the guy played by Balefire from OUAT and the chick in charge of the Chinese division of the rich inventors company. They were literally the ONLY characters who didn't turn into complete and total pansies at least once. It really annoyed me how stupidly and scared most of the characters (other than the two above acted). It's like guys, GROW A PAIR AND MAKE YOUR MISERABLE EXISTANCE WORTH SOMETHING!

Here are some of the stupidest lines (in my opinion)

James Savoy: "My face is my warrant."         Wha-whaaaaa (the sound it makes in classic Video Games when you die. It's also in a cinema sins video about another stupid line)

Shane: "I like to smell fresh when I'm making out with your daughter."     He's gonna smell fresh when HE'S KILLING YOU FOR SAYING THAT YOU IDIOTIC IDJIT!!!! What guy would actually say that? And if guys did, wouldn't there be more dads in jail and less living guys in the universe?

Hound: "That's a bad idea. But then again I'm all about bad ideas."   That line was a bad idea. Can't someone have a good idea in some action movie?

 Joshua Joyce: [to Cade] "I may have started the apocalypse, but you brought your family. And that's, you know, terrible parenting."    Okay, it might be bad parenting to bring your family to the apocalypse, but the other option was to let her die or leave her at their house... which was blown up. Or leave her with the government who want to kill her. I would've been fine with that, but ya know...

 Joshua: "I can't believe I'm putting my life in your hands!"
Cade Yeager: "You want the alien gun? Take it!"
Joshua: "No, I don't want the alien gun!"        Either stop being such a pansy or stop complaining. Either way, the solution is you growing a pair and shutting up.

Hound: "I'm a fat ballerina who takes names and slits throats!"       Same wa-waaaaaaaaa as the first quote

Cade Yeager: "Teenagers..."
Optimus Prime: "I went through the same thing with Bumblebee."           First off, don't think all teenagers are as annoying and stupid and slutty as your daughter and also, Optimus, funny line, but WHAT?!?! Alien robots totally have teenage girl problems. I'm sure Bumblebee had a secret boyfriend and mood swings. Plus was Bumblebee EVER a teenager? Don't get me wrong, funny moment... but seriously?

I don't remember the line exactly but I do know that Tessa's first line is something like "three more weeks of school then it's time for getting tan and getting wasted". I know it's impossible to get even worse after that, but the movie tried it's hardest and I absolutely HATE her. Guess they just chose the old "there's a girl in the movie. Make her as hot, popular and slutty as possible and all the guys in the audience will love it!" route. Seriously, Michael Bay (I think that's his name. He makes transformer movies and will be making teenage muntant ninja turtles movies) Apparently is meant to be in the century that a couple creeps I know are meant for too; when girls were only good for cooking, cleaning and kids (making and care taking). I mean, I do manage to dislike girls in most action movies (mostly transformers, but I also dislike Gwen Stacy from every Spiderman ever created) but I love Annabeth Chase from Percy Jackson, She-hulk, Merida from Brave, Rapunzel from Tangled, Astrid from How To Train Your Dragon, Bones from Bones, Kono from Hawaii 5-0  and June from Legend. And probably more. They're awesome, have heard of pants, and while they can't do everything themselves and do need some saving, they don't need saving every time. They have fears but they don't let it make them stupid. They're not perfect, but they're about twenty gazillion times better than all the girls in all the transformers movies. Probably combined. Tessa is no exception.

Of course, one of the characters I did like (one of all two of them...) was a girl. And she was pretty cool. I think all the feminist websites (I still support and agree with them) kind of forget about her, but she isn't a very big part. Tessa is the main female lead and she was... Not who you want your daughter looking up to. You don't even want your daughters friends looking up to her. Not even your daughters frienimies or associates or worst enimies or pet hamster! The other girl (all one of them in the entire movies with more than one line) is a smart, serious business woman who does manage to beat up like five bad guys. She kicks butt and is totally cool, so I guess Michael Bay did through a girl in the movie who is pretty cool. I liked her, but what I didn't like is that in the end, she falls in love with the annoying rich inventor because all nobody was shipping them together and in the end of a movie, you can't have anyone who's still single. Everyone needs a significant other! *Insert eye-roll here* In cinema sins words "you can't have a business-minded hot girl who doesn't want to date - that's nonsense!" (Sins of DragonBall Evolution).


OVERALL:  I guess it's a pretty good movie. I loved the action and the dinobots were AWESOME. I guess I'd rate it a... 3/5?

Real Review (WARNING: Christian website. DON'T FREAK OUT!)


And while the character (human, not autobot) may have annoyed me, at least the action was good and there was a scene that Optimus Prime said "The legend Exist"/"The legend is true" or something like that in another language (this one website said Japanese. FANGIRL MOMENT! Yay japan! :D) and it was totally the coolest screensaver ever (hey, cinema sins, I found another sin! They said that in another one of their videos so...) And it was epic.

Movie reviewer
Super-chu
DeWitt
Raven

INVERTED PYRAMID!!!!!!!