quote of the whenever

“Home is behind, the world ahead” – Edge of night, LotR song

Sunday, January 4, 2015

maleficent movie review

So... I finished throne of glass first but I'm gonna review maleficent before that. Which, to say, is today. Kay? Kay. Review for maleficent:
Plot: there was a beautiful, kind, innocent fairy who's name litterally means evil. Maleficent. Look it up. She's an orphan in a magical, special forest when she meets another orphan; (an airbender named Aang. He's got a lot to learn until he's ready to save anyone, but I believe he can save the world) seriously, an orphan named Stefan. They soon fall into fake, stupid, unreal teenager love, Stefan calling it "true love". Then, like all sucky teenage love stories, the guys just like "no, don't like her anymore" and then they're grownups and he comes back -yay!- and drugs her to take her wings to become king -less yay- he does become king, and have a daughter named Aurora. Maleficent goes to the party, pissed her ex-boyfriend who maimed her was having a party for his newborn child without inviting her! Rude! So, she gives Aurora a seriously specific curse with one cure designed to piss Stefan off the most. True loves kiss, the thing he made up just for her! *HALFWAYISH POINT, PASSERS BE WARNED!!!!!!* he gets paranoidia and sends her off with three fairies we love... Until this movie when I prefer even Navi. Way to ruin fairies Disney. They gave aurora a gift of somethin like whoever meets her shall love her or be loved by all or whatever. So, Maleficent become an adoptive mother to aurora and they grow to love each other like only people who curse the child of their ex boyfriend who maimed them can. She tries to undo the curse, but it doesn't work. Aurora meets prince Phillip in the woods
And their meeting is so much more awkward, less cute and less time to fall in love than the cartoon. When Aurora goes and gets her finger pricked Maleficent figures he's their only hope (even if he isn't obiwan kenobi) and gets him to do true loves kiss. He is absolutely, dreamily and gentlemanly, wondering if it's right to kiss a girl who's a) asleep and b) he just met. Swoon, sigh, why deny it oh oh.... Seriously, again, it's kinda hot to be that gentlemanly- honestly, seriously hot! Again-
Cept it doesn't work. So, they take a page out of once upon a time and change it back to the original from once from before when they changed it from frozen; motherly love = true love. Also, she battles Stefan who is psycho now and wins and Aurora and Phillip end up together, Aurora becomes princess and creates peace between fairies and humans. Whoo. Again, dreamy Prince, cause like... Seriously, he was gentlemanly. Gentlemen are HOT. Hint hint guys.

Thoughts: You wanna know why people love the joker? Because he is unsimpathetic and doesn't have some stupid reason for being a psycho. He just is. Sure, Loki has an army (of girls with nails painted green who can tell you facts about Loki but if you make a joke about Johnny Storm and Steve Rogers stare at you with blank eyes. Humph) but EVERYONE loves the joker, because he is unsimpathetic. We do NOT want villains with tragic stories and some depressing crap we don't actually care or want for characters we don't care about or want to know about. We like main characters because of relatability, we like villains because of psycho, so that is a definant point down for this. Point up for the villian being redeemed though; I do love a redemption story. Another point down though, for the fact that all the good characters, like the motherly/matronly fairies or the kind, fair king being turned into mean girls meet the three stooges and a cliche bad guy who escaped from a haunted insane asylum. So, overall.... I'm basically neutral on this front, but they gain an extra point for GENTLEMAN/CHIVALROUS HANDSOME PRINCE so, if you can choke down a bad retelling of a good fairytale, Maleficent is for you!

Rating: 4/5, mostly for the prince and redemption.
Sleeping not-a-beauty


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We'll I'm not gonna shove my opinion in your face without letting you fight back. I am human and prone to lots of error, so you should tell me!